Maybe, sometimes gray is just a compromise of black and white?

March 8, 2010 at 9:53 pm (Uncategorized)

Closing Ceremonies night! What a zoo… from a sober outsiders point of view, it was like a big intoxicated pool of flags, lights, costumes, and people celebrating everything they possibly could: the Olympic success of Canadian athletes, that last great game yesterday afternoon, simply being in this city for a memorable experience, being Canadian…
It was interesting. I have met a lot of wonderful people in the past month or so while working, and some of them shook my hand and hugged me before they left the bar last night and thanked me for my hospitality. THAT felt awesome, it definitely was a “warm fuzzy” moment I will remember.

One thing that sticks out in my mind though:
There was a table of nice people in my section at the bar. They were enjoying the ceremonies and each others’ company, drinking quite professionally, and having a great time. I enjoyed their company a lot, too! One man in particular was so drunk by the end of his visit, he probably couldn’t have told me his own name. He gave me a $50 bill for two drinks, and I returned his change to a table he was using as a crutch and said thank you as he tried to uncross his eyes (don’t worry, he had friends with him and they were taking good care of each other!). About 45 minutes later, I was trying in vain to clean up the sticky mess left everywhere, and saw his billfold on the table. He was gone and no one was sitting at the table, and I looked inside the billfold and there was all of his change and then some from a previous bill. Obviously, he was too wasted to remember it (and probably wouldn’t have been able to find his pocket to put his change into), so I took the cash and handed it to his friends and told them that he had wandered off and left for the night, and had left all his cash there and asked if they could possibly pass it along to him. The looks on their faces were of shock and surprise. They thanked me profusely for returning his money, and told me I was a lovely person for being so honest and that they wouldn’t normally see that kind of thing happen…
I was the one who was surprised. Not to mention, I was a bit insulted that they wouldn’t have expected me to return his money.
But talk about karma! Would $40-50 really be the price of mine, or ANYONE’S integrity? I hope not. How could I steal from people who had been so patient, kind, and generous to me all evening? Even if I hadn’t been serving them, how could I steal from these people anyways? From anyone that night/week? From anyone at all?
Now, I could understand why people would do it if they were desperately struggling for money, had trouble knowing if they were going to eat the next day… but I make damn good money, and then again, even if I didn’t, why would I dig myself a hole and invite negativity and dishonesty into my life at a time when I (hypothetically speaking) would need help, compassion, and generosity more than ever?

Do you believe in karma?

Whether you do or not, I believe very strongly that you always get what you deserve. Eventually, the good, decent, loving, hard-working people come out on top. It seems like such a simple principle.
I have been told that I expect too much from people. I can’t argue with that. I will agree that I expect the best from everyone in my life. Why not? If you expect the best from people, and treat them as though they are a blessing in your life, don’t you think that they will (eventually) give you their best? You teach people how to treat you. If they don’t treat you as well as you are treating them, it is inevitable that you will need to let them go, for your own well-being.
You’ll always get what’s coming to you. Positive or negative. If you have a big heart and do good things and have the best intentions… shouldn’t you expect the same from others? I mean, look out for yourself, watch your back, and be careful who you trust… but why wouldn’t you hope to trust and love the next new person who walks into your life? Why wouldn’t you give them a chance to have all the amazing attributes that you possess, too?

This may sound like moral ramblings, blah blah blah, we all know the difference between right and wrong. But how often do we bend the rules to suit ourselves, and make excuses for our hurtful behaviour, so that we can be selfish and still convince ourselves that we may not be righteous, but didn’t have a choice…

There is always a choice. Of course we all slip now and again… but please do yourself and others a favor and know the power of admittance and apology – and, the power of being able to forgive yourself. Honesty is underrated, but with it can come forgiveness for anything and everything.

For anyone who knows me personally…I have things that I am trying to work on. I can be quite defensive about certain things, and if I feel that I need to defend myself or another, I can have quite a temper. I have anxiety which effects my physically at times, and insomnia, and thoughts run through my mind as I lay in bed at night and I can’t turn it off most of the time… The indifference of ignorant, over-privileged, unempathetic people disturbs and angers me. I will stand up for myself and anyone else at anytime, and sometimes I don’t think first about the consequences (sometimes safety), I just want to do what’s right… But there are better ways of expressing how I feel. Like through writing. I can think, contemplate, relax…
This is who I am. And I am trying.
I have no qualms about speaking up, no matter the subject. I understand that sometimes my writing is intense, that I am pretty intense too, and that my opinions are extremely passionate and fiery. Sometimes I may offend people with the things I say and how I say them, even if it is nothing personal. But I won’t apologize for who I am.

I have just 22 years of life experience so far, and have seen and heard a lot of things that have disappointed me, and shattered my dreams and hopes for humanity…and then there are times when I truly believe that human beings are the most beautiful experiment that nature ever created.


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