Righteous dealers and straight-laced hookers: let’s all do it right.

April 13, 2010 at 1:26 am (Uncategorized)

Perception is really everything, isn’t it? I find it fascinating to talk to people about this, to try to peer through their telescope.  What you believe is fair and decent and just may be completely different than what the next person believes.  It struck me in the past few days, just how many of us bend our ideals and morals and make little loopholes and exceptions to make up for the indecent things we do.  I find that, less and less, genuine apologies are heard.  It is not very often that someone will stand up for what they feel is right, and when you DO, do you ever notice that others are quite taken aback at how much you are willing to rock the boat?

So how far can you go before you realize that you can no longer bend the lines and boundaries to suit yourself? I have heard so many things that at first make a bit of sense. But when you step back and really listen to some of the justifications… it makes no sense at all. I really try to understand some of them, but it gets tough sometimes…

*I’m a drug dealer, but I only sell weed, coke, pills, and crack. I would never sell meth. That’s sick shit. It kills people and ruins lives.

How can you say that you are any better than the next dealer beside you? Because you refuse to take part in the trade of one or two specific substances that you feel are detrimental to a person’s well-being/health/life?  It’s business. It’s what you do for a living. It doesn’t make you a bad person – please understand that I am not trying to judge and say that it is terrible and should be shunned, because who hasn’t bought a little chronic (or maybe some pills for a party/rave etc)  in their lifetime? Almost all of us have taken part in this trade or witnessed it at some point – but what makes you, as the seller, more morally upright than the next dealer up the block?  Same job.  Same purpose.  It doesn’t make sense to categorize it.  Thus my questioning of this strange moral-bending that we do.

On a sort of separate note…. I hate cocaine. I will tell anyone who asks my honest opinion.  I’ve never done it and never want to, as common among young people as it is. I have my reasons.  That doesn’t mean I hate everyone who does coke, and that I think they are scum.  I just don’t want to touch the stuff, and I will not have it brought into my home. Other than that, it isn’t my business to tell someone how to have a good time, as long as they don’t hurt me. To each their own.  Just respect how I feel about it, and I will do the same for you.

*Yes, I sell sex, but I’m completely clean and sober and don’t work off the street.

There are so many arguments for and against the righteousness of this.  Yes, you are keeping yourself and your clients safe by staying clean of drugs (intravenous and other) and using condoms.  I am still unsure of how beneficial it would be to legalize prostitution in our country… I don’t know if we could really handle the responsibility of this.  I do believe, however, that by being clean and safe and sober, you are handling your profession in the best way possible with a good head on your shoulders and that you are being accountable for any possible consequences.  I also think that the violence against these women is disgusting and outrageous.  Being self-sufficient is great, but you must worry about the safety aspect here… also, the common practice of working for a pimp is disgustingly outdated and dangerous and wrong, and contributes to the violence and criminal activity that is inherent in the world of prostitution.  As tolerant as I am on these issues… at heart, I also believe that any woman who sells her body for a living is selling herself short.  It brings me great sadness to think about it, and about all of the wonderful things these women could contribute to society if they could be given a second chance… I think that no matter their mental, physical, or emotional state, there is always a better choice than this. It is a great shame that sometimes, there is just no one there to say “yes. You can do better for yourself. Yes, I believe it and so should you. Yes, you are worth much more than a $40 blowjob etc……”  It is ridiculous that any woman needs to be told that to believe it, but this is the world we live in and the rate at which things change is slow and uninspiring. 

*I was drunk/high. I didn’t know what I was doing. I don’t remember. I wouldn’t have done that sober.

Excuses, excuses. I don’t care how much you poured down your throat, or stuffed up your nose, you are still responsible for what you do. Grow up and own your choices. You made a mistake? Give a genuine apology. If you did something wrong but you were drunk or high, guess what? You still did something wrong or hurtful that still merits an apology. This is common sense. Guilt is a passive emotion that contributes nothing to a situation. Your guilt means nothing and is completely useless. Guilt doesn’t make anyone feel better, and even if you really do feel “bad” about your alcohol/drug induced actions/behavior, you can not go back in time.  Unless you have a hot tub time machine. Until then, just face the music and try to make things right with whoever you have hurt. “I’m sorry” goes a lot further than you think.

*I did it because I love you.

It really is hard to try to describe how abusive this is…. you’d think it’d be pretty obvious to most people, but then again, you’d be surprised.  This is probably the worst moral line-bending category out there. I have heard this one before in the past, as have many of you who are reading this. If you find yourself hurt, depressed, angry, etc when you hear this from someone who has done you wrong, do yourself a favor. Walk away immediately and don’t look back.  This is a cop-out, and a guilty conscience justifying something wrong by infusing an excuse with a lie.  If you love someone, you never give them poor excuses. I have heard this from women and men who have been cheated on, stolen from (no joke!), and even hit.  And guess what? They weren’t ready to give up on “love”.  Because I love him(her).  It is scary to think what someone people will do for “love”. I put this powerful word in quotations because anyone who tries to reason that they have hurt you out of love, has no clue what love is.  They are confusing love with desperation, possessiveness, aggression, anger.  I am so glad that I know what true love is and live with it every day, and hope that everyone else out there shares this feeling, too. Or at least knows that it is well on the way at it’s own pace.  If you love someone, you do your best not to hurt them, and you don’t use your love as a blind, false reason for anything.

The most important, powerful words I have learned in my lifetime so far are actually quite simple.  Please use them as necessary, with strangers and lovers alike. I promise they could change your life. Use them with honesty, compassion, and wisdom.  No need for frills, drawn-out explanations and stories, a big song and dance. These words are much better completely naked.  I’ve recently realized that they say a lot more with a lot less.

Thank you.

I’m sorry.

I love you. (not “because of…”, “despite…”, “but…”).

Just, I love you.  That always sounds right.

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