Let’s talk about sex. All the “filthy” details.

April 15, 2010 at 1:55 am (Uncategorized)

 I know what I’d want my kid to watch on the T.V. while I’m busy microwavin’ dinner!  Lets all read books about dragons and murderers and war, but my LORD, make sure you shut your ears when you hear the V(agina) word….Tell me: when did something so normal and natural and simple become rocket science?  All these games, tricks, and ploys for something that all creatures do in nature… And why is it such a dangerous topic to discuss? Why must people get offended by a conversation regarding something so very simple, no matter what their sexuality?

Something reminded me of these little questions. It was a Monday night, and there was a young man sitting at the bar where I work. He had three fingers on each hand and a big smile, and in the first visit, he was accompanied by a random hostel friend.  They left, and he came back about an hour later with a hooker more than twice his age.  He was getting pretty drunk, and people couldn’t help but stare.  She was milking his loneliness and it was pretty fucking obvious.  I do not now how exactly it got to this point, but I felt just plain sad when I saw this whole show.  Here is a young man, getting taken advantage of by a street-hooker who isn’t making much sense in conversation. He was drunk, she was opportunistic. He was: lonely. In fact, the bartender saw what was happening and cut him off because he hated seeing him get swindled. I agree. Feel alone and be alone with your thoughts. Don’t let someone else push them away for you before you can understand them fully.

On that note… drunk and lonely seems quite common for many.

When was the last time a stranger touched you? How and why – and where – did they touch you? Were you offended? Did you shy away from it, or reciprocate?  It seems as though sometimes you could drown in a sea of strangers in a big city, but no one would even reach out their hand to you. On a positive note…. you will find that the more you touch, they more you will be touched in return. What goes around,comes around.  Now, don’t be a pervert and grab everything you see and want, that’s not what I’m trying to say.  But honestly…

Kiss more often. I love kissing and being kissed. The best part of my day is in bed (morning or night), gettin kissed all over….I feel my skin growing hot, and get the shivers at the same time, goosebumps rising on my arms and stomach.  It’s incredibly pleasurable – in fact, I couldn’t imagine anything better! I feel like a house cat for fuck’s sake, just being petted and stretching to enjoy it, practically purring and begging for more because I’m so perfectly content.

Never underestimate the immense power of a single kiss.

I think about these kisses when I am feeling down, lonely, or anxious. I think about how amazing it feels just to exist in this short moment to inhale such divine pleasure. Those kisses last much longer than a few minutes… I feel as though they are imprinted on my skin and can still feel their heat, hours and days past. I have goosebumps right now just writing about them.  I sometimes touch those kissed spots on my skin after my lover has gone, just to remind myself of how goddamn good it felt.  But I’m not entirely selfish.  I thoroughly adore touching the one I love all over with my lips, every curve, every scar, every inch.  Especially when it leads to their hands all over me.  I would say, hands down (no pun intended), that the hands are my favorite body part….It makes me so indescribably happy to know that from one person, every kiss means “I love you”. And every touch means “I want you”.

Are you uncomfortable? I’ll bet some of you are.  Why? Because we don’t talk about sex?… This is really too revealing, isn’t it? Too much? TMI? We talk about shit, piss, war, guns, drugs, gangs… but not sex, not really.  How dare I even bring it up.

When did sex become so complicated and taboo? Why can we watch a Crip curb-stomping, a suicide bomber killing hundreds, and a child beauty pageant (so wrong!) on TV, but we can’t see a single goddamn nipple? All the negativity surrounding Erykah Badu for her video for “Window Seat”, simply because she took off her clothes and walked around in town butt-naked… did she hurt anyone? I think this whole society’s sexual repression contributes to a lot of problems – including violence and crime. At the risk of seeming “intolerant”, against which I will argue this point is regarding religion and politics (and the junction of the two), NOT ethnicity, I will say this openly…

To be frank, just look at Muslim countries. Extreme fanatics, fascists, angry terrorists.  The sexual repression and guilt that is felt through the belief of any major strict religion, in my opinion, is a HUGE factor in this. It causes aggression and confusion and frustration, and an enormous amount of guilt for even “impure” THOUGHTS about sex and sensuality which is biologically impossible to avoid and repress. Maybe we could all learn to jerk off a bit more, love and make love a bit more, and judge/kill/brutally wound a little bit less? Just an idea. Not that I’m saying we should all be sex addicts. In fact, why is it that people can not let go and open up enough to know the person they are fucking?  I call these people slutty cowards. They just fuck anything that can verbally agree to get horizontal, have NO repeat customers in the revolving restaurant that is their bedroom, and spend little to no time on the act of sex itself.  How is this enjoyable?!?!

You may as well just warm up a cup of Jello every night and rub out some Jello Jigglers. Why are we so reluctant to show our partner (keep in mind, you do in fact TETRIS your naughty bits to fit together and juice together!) our naked body? How often do we get to see a truly naked, attractive human being? You should relish in it, drink it in! Touch every inch of skin and let your eyes roam all over with reckless abandon. And what about foreplay? In fact, I think that because so many people are so self-conscious and unaware of their own sense of sexuality, they sleep around with multiple partners in meaningless situations to avoid really experiencing the joy, pleasure, and divinity of sex.

Yes, divinity. Aside from birth and death, sex is the most incredible and beautiful human experience we are given. Why not take advantage of it?  A very thoughtful author named Stuart Wilde, who has a few interesting books out there, wrote that having an orgasm is so divine… that in those few seconds of pure bliss, our soul actually goes to heaven and sees God, too.  The French call the orgasm “le petit mort”, or the little death, probably for the same reason.  Thus, such phrases you may have heard: “Oh my god ! Oh god! I’m coming! I’m coming!” And there you are. You came straight into paradise. And then you go back down to Earth with a sense of inner peace, stillness, and this vast contentment that you don’t care to understand, you just bask in it. 

I believe it.  And on that note, if you have ever faked an orgasm or faked feeling good, STOP IT. You are doing NO ONE a favor.  You are missing out on true sexual pleasure, and now your partner does not know how to please you from this point onward.  Simple solution?  Know what you want, and ask for it.  Whether you ask sweetly, demand it, or beat it out of your ball-gagged partner with a cat-of-nine, be clear and take what you want.  Just always remember to give a lot in return.  How could this possibly fail?

The next time you have sex, try to talk a little, too. Whether it is nasty and dirty or lovey-dovey. Communicate with your words, express your most burning desires. Even better, show someone without words, and take your time to do it right.  Really appreciate your own nakedness (body and soul), and then you will be able to enjoy yourself and your partner so much more.  Touch yourself and others more often – and if you are fortunate enough to be sharing your bed with someone amazing, make sure that you can’t keep your hands off of them.

If none of this makes any sense to you, then you can always go make yourself a bowl of Jello.

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