“Serving your country”? Put down Call of Duty and join the real world.

April 19, 2010 at 1:39 am (Uncategorized)

This has to be said. Really. I have been working in a great bar for the past year and a half, and I am now finally coming out and saying that I really dislike serving military folk.  I hate to generalize, but you know when you walk into a bar with a costume (I mean, uniform…) and it ain’t Halloween, you are looking for attention and trying to prove some point to somebody. 

If this is YOU, please pull your head out of your tight Canadian Force-d ass and stop making us all listen to the shit that comes out of your mouth.  Having had an experience dating one of you at one point, I know exactly how some of you see yourself. While I condone self-confidence etc, I am surprised that our apparent enemies do not already use your gigantic heads for target practice.

First of all, you are not the only people in the bar(world, for that matter. This is not just in reference to one night at work) and I can not hold your fucking hand for ten minutes because you don’t understand the beer list. Je-sus. Your bartender has shit to do, and just because you waltzed in with your entire platoon and expect hard-working people to salute your arrogant ass in the REAL world, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.  Do not ask me my name so that you can holler at me every second you need something.  It’s not heart surgery. You can have a little patience. 

(By the way, this photo came with this caption: “Young boys have been the targets of sexual abuse by Afghan soldiers living on Canadian bases in Afghanistan for years now, and the Canadian military has turned a blind eye to it.”  What a group of fuckin’ heros.)

Next, I don’t care about your job. Really. I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU DO.  I am aware of what you do to a certain degree, and if I gave a shit to learn more, I will ask you.  No, a man in uniform is not sexy.  A man who holds down his place in the world and works his ass off to get ahead while actually paying his bills, being a productive member of society, and not expecting to be exempt from certain rules/manners in society is sexy.  I do not care that you are a Call Of Duty nerd who could not get laid in high school and had a bit of trouble letting go of the tit as a wee child, and now you have to hide behind a job title that you think is honorable, but can’t really specifically explain why to anyone, not even yourself.  No, my jobs don’t give me a medal.  But I make a good honest living and I don’t need some young buck who needs the Canadian military to house, feed, wash, and wipe him to look down on anything I do (bartending, acting, arts, writing, teaching…).  At least I can take care of myself. In short: get over yourself, soldier.

“I’m serving the country”.  Exactly what, here and now, have YOU as an individual done to serve the citizens of today?  You want to join a big brigade of wannabes with a hero complex, and use it as an excuse to get away with acting like a cocky, ignorant, conservative/fascist pea-brained douche-box?  Go tell someone who couldn’t graduate from middle school who actually might be retarded enough to hear your fake Saving Private Lyin’ story.  I would love to have an intelligent conversation with a soldier/officer/ etc about what they really do, and what their greater purpose is.  This has yet to happen.  Why can none of you explain what your greater purpose is in this career? Any answer I have ever received is too ambiguous and general to even make any sense.  Like the title sentence.

I can’t fully grasp (in a modern sense) the concept of “dying or fighting” for our country.  I would appreciate a bit more intelligent insight mixed into your answer to the question of “What do you do? Why do you do it?” 

                                                                          gwwii001.jpg image by Ridureyu

In fact, nationalistic pride is completely lost on me.  I think it turns many people into bigots who call themselves “patriots”. What exactly is patriotism anyway? Look at the Olympics. We are all sitting around, talking about winning medals for our country (wherever you are from), but this is complete nonsense, too.  Germany did not win a silver medal for skiing, nor did Canada win gold for hockey. These medals were not earned by any country.  They were won by individual athletes for their outstanding athletic performances.  These great athletes were born in their home countries by CHANCE, and because of choices their families made, etc.  They are great individuals, and we should be proud of them regardless of where they are from, because it has NO reflection on the entire country’s ability to ski, swim, run, whatever.

Where has our sense of individuality disappeared to? Are we all really willing to take the easy way out of life, and hide behind a false mask of pride because we are too afraid to find out who we really are at the core of our being?

Wow. Even I feel like this is getting pretty intense….

Calling yourself a patriot in order to act out in an extreme, negative manner (i.e. your actions while involved in military service, fighting over sports games, etc) is an act of individual idiocy.  Where does your pride stem from? I think sometimes it is really just ignorance and brainwashing and mob mentality.  How do you define and identify yourself as an individual?

If we lived in a world full of individuals, we would actually see each other as human beings.  I truly believe this with all my heart.  I think that a lot of horrifying global issues such as war, genocide, prejudice, etc. would cease to exist if the lines of our borders, our “patriotism”, were to fade away.  If this were to someday happen, how could you judge a man based on the choices of his president, on the trade of “his” country’s resources? How did each woman and man end up in their home country – isn’t it obvious that it was through NO fault of their own?

Are you to say that every American is a soul-less, money-grubbing, stupid jerk? You would be wrong and you know it.  I can not even count the number of wonderfully smart and intelligent Americans who have given me compassion and friendship.  Can you really say that every Iranian wants to blow up the Western world for Allah?  Some of my dearest friends are Persian.  And would do anything for me. And make me laugh ’til my sides are splitting, and invite me into their homes and their hearts in the worst and best of times. Can you say that every Canadian is…well…”nice”? No. I have met some extremely un-educated, aggressive, horribly rude Canadians, as well as beautiful people from my home country. And some Canadians who claim this “niceness”, well, it’s because they are so goddamn bland and boring that they couldn’t be anything BUT nice. People who have no opinion, no spine, no passion, no brain.  They smile and say hello, but can’t get past a compound sentence.

Would the same individuals fight and kill each other in war, if there were no borders and if no acts of “patriotism” were necessary? I think you will agree that this would be barbaric. We don’t murder each other as single people. We fight country to country, nation to nation.  I’ll shoot you for Canada, you bomb me for Bosnia. As individual people, this is inherently wrong and criminal. But as a group armed against the enemy, we fail to see each other as real people with lives and families, and dreams that are most likely similar to our own.

Next time you parade around in a uniform, think beyond your shiny shoes.  And please, learn how to tip your service staff.  After all, a man in uniform should always be generous!


1 Comment

  1. Frida Kahlo said,

    They are willing to “risk their lives for us”, but when it comes to a single tip..they feel as though they’ve already sacrificed enough. I am never excited when I see men in uniform come to my work.
    Caire, you are still the shit.

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