Step into my office. Shut up and have some tequila.

August 26, 2010 at 12:09 pm (Uncategorized)

A round of applause for those of you who work the 9-5 daily grind in a cubicle with fluorescent lighting, glowing screens, and clicking heels all around.  I will freely admit that I could not do it under most circumstances.  I would probably go insane.  The great thing about our generation is that there are so many different types of jobs available – we have so many career options nowadays, and there is something for everyone out there. 

I’ll start off by saying that I do love my job.  It’s not a career and it’s not long-term, but it’s a lot of fun and I work with some of the best people in the service industry. I bartend/serve 4 nights a week at a lively Irish bar downtown.  I have made friends there, enjoy the company of our regulars, make decent money, my bosses care about our small staff, and are very approachable, funny, and helpful (we like having them around), and I am generally happy to go to work.  I have nothing to complain about, aside from the occasional puke puddle that needs to be cleaned up, or a runner (“dine-n-dash” – pretty rare at my place though).  All in all, it’s an awesome place to spend 40+ hours a week.

I’m sure a lot of you out there enjoy your job.  It may be rewarding, it may make you a lot of money.  But at the end of your day, do you ever just feel like kicking back and going to… another office? Another construction site? Another courtroom?  Probably not. 

Now, I understand for my friends who work in offices, classrooms, stores, and the great outdoors that you like to unwind with a couple of drinks and some music, and some people who are unwinding just like you.  That’s where you see my happy face, hear my dirty joke, and thank me kindly for serving you a drink.  Hey, I aim to please.  I love to be social.  I like loud music.  But when I am at the bar unwinding all of you for 40+ hours a week…. I don’t want to see the inside of a bar on some of my precious nights off.  Please understand, and imagine if all your friends decided one night that they want to change plans for the evening and go to…. a place that looks like your office on your day off. 

– (…/gangsta.jpg,

(I don’t want to see these guys on my night off…)

Bars are fun. I enjoy a Guinness or a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon once in a while.  But on my nights off… I typically don’t want to go to a bar.  I especially don’t want to go to a nightclub.  Now, I love going to see concerts and shows, but this is different. This is an event, with a purpose!  To spend my long worknights in a drinking establishment, and then spend my time off inside one? This is not fun for me.  I want time outdoors.  I want to go to the beach, go to a concert or live event, see a movie, stroll around the city eating ice cream or drinking hot chocolate (depending on which season!), go to a gallery or exhibit indoors or outdoors, work out or go for a run or to a dance/yoga class, or chill out at a friend’s place or my place where we get to choose the music and the company.  Or read a book! Or have dinner, or a BBQ chez moi, by myself or with friends. Or get out of downtown.

You get the picture.  So when I have friends who try to drag me to a crowded, noisy nightclub/bar (probably one that I never liked in the first place) and tell me I’m “NO FUN” when I protest a little: well, fuck off, a little.  YOU spend 40+ hours a week inside one. YOU clean up puke. YOU deal with assholes who don’t tip, cheap jerks who complain about prices and taxes, perverts who try to grope you, retards who wont move out of the way when you are painfully trying to change a keg (they weigh approximately as much as ME), high-maintenance floozies who expect you to give them hundreds of dollars of free shit because it’s some bitch’s 19th birthday, and the generally shitty pop music mash-up poison for your ears. 

Don’t get me wrong. This industry is fun to work in, we all make good money and meet a lot of great people.  But in order to keep my love for my job, I need a break from all this sometimes.  Which is why I don’t work 7 days a week.  It gets tiring, especially being on your feet for all this time, running around because it is packed and busy. And on my days/time off, I like to recharge and see the outside world.  And maybe I don’t want to taste, smell, or even LOOK AT booze.  And people: bars are great places to meet new people (I have met so many amazing people and made wonderful friends in the past couple years in this industry), or if you want to find a fun hook-up.  But please remove your head from Cinderella’s ass and forget meeting the man/woman of your dreams in one.   It probably won’t happen, you are pretty gullible for believing it will, and even if you meet your charming soul-mate in a bar or club… he/she will probably be wasted and smell like cigarettes and urine, and look like a wreck and have nothing to say but “hiccup”.



There are a few bars in Vancouver that I adore.  Mine is one of them.  I will sometimes go to work early to chat to my lovely co-workers while I eat dinner, or come by for a fight or a game, or just show up for a good pint and some laughs.  But please don’t be an ignorant jackass and tell me that I am lame for wanting to go to bed before 3 a.m. for one night during the week.  Or whine and tug my sleeve because you want to wait in line to get inside some shitty club where the horrible Katy Perry/Lady Gaga remixes and the steroid-obsessed, Jazzy Jewelry T-shirt men await you.  I don’t like these places.  I will not waste my time inside one.  And if I do go out with you and you bitch at me for drinking cranberry juice?  It will probably be the last time I agree to go out with you.  If you need me to be drunk to enjoy my company, then I don’t want to be around you.

Next time you step inside my office (or any bar or nightclub), please remember that workplace etiquette still applies, even if alcohol is present.  Have respect for the patrons and the bartenders/servers, tip 15-20% ( you know this is how it works in North America, we make $8/hr and then have to pay tax on that – so, less than $7/hr), and have some self-respect, too. 

And next time you try to pull me away from the sun setting on the beach, on my night off, to get ready for a big night out at The Roxy… be nice when I pry your hands off me and say no, thank you.  I will be at the bar all night tomorrow and would like to enjoy a change of scenery.


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