Fucking off = feeling good.

May 16, 2011 at 11:05 am (Uncategorized)

After a few exhausting years, I am FINALLY done with doctors.  I’m setting myself free!  I will go to my next scheduled appointment, and then: I will schedule no more.  I took a bus to North Vancouver today to have a 10 minute appointment for my doctor to tell me (once again, which I have known for quite a while now) that I am anemic.  Iron pills and then iron shots in my butt cheeks didn’t work, and she said she wanted to get to the bottom of this so I wouldn’t feel so sick anymore. 

So she told me to start taking some of those great pills again.

Really? I came all the way over here for you to give me advice that didn’t work months earlier, advice I had been following from 2 other doctors for a few years (before I even moved to New York)?

Here’s what I finally have to say to you: Fuck off.

Yes! It feels so good.  Fuck. Off.  Fuck your indifferent attitudes, fuck your rushing me in and out of your office for a million appointments, none in which any of you ever listened to me.

Fuck never even checking any of my medical records, past or very recent past, to actually know anything about me, when you requested those records in the first place (and I had to pay for them, too).

Fuck your lies, your scams, your brush-offs, your COMPLETELY contrary write-ups in my reports based on what I told you.  I don’t even recognize the wrong symptoms in my surgeon referral report from the dumb bitch doctor at St. Paul’s.  Fuck her advice to completely stop every activity, even walking, take time off work and go on disability (I make $8 right now, great idea doc!), so that a bone the size of half my pinkie that’s been broken and splintered for 2 years “might” heal, after my last doctor told me there is no chance it would heal without surgery.  Fuck how rude she was to me and my father in her office.

Fuck the old coot who left my needle lying beside me as he left the room after my injections.  Fuck his short-term, quick-fix attempt at solutions, which he knew deep down wouldn’t work.

Fuck the people who are in this “healthcare” industry for the money.  Or because their parents made them become doctors.  Fuck all of you who don’t care, didn’t care, and couldn’t give a shit if any of your patients died.

Fuck the E.R. doctor who said (loud enough for me to hear behind my curtain) that he wanted to “just get her the hell out of here, and out of my sight”, about a prostitute off the street who had been stabbed.

Fuck the clinic doctors who wrote me so many prescriptions, poisoning my body and immune system, with drugs that made me feel worse.  Fuck the pharmacist who, when she asked if I’d like an explanation on how to use my drugs,thought it would be a great help to just read the package instructions out loud: “Take one a day. Okay? Bye for now!”

Fuck the “healthcare” industry in Vancouver that has no regard for neither health nor care.  Fuck the system that wont let the 5% of good doctors who actually can do their job properly, do their job properly.  Fuck prescription drugs, fuck numbing the symptoms.

Fuck you.  My orders for inactivity from my doctors has caused more anxiety and depression and problems than any other health problem I have had.  I feel that you have tricked me into staying sick.  You have created problems that didn’t exist before you stuck them in my head.  All of my appointments had you confirming that, yes, I’m sick, I need this and that, my foot’s broken, and I am anemic but we somehow can’t help you because we don’t want to try.  You made me more sick.  Sitting in your offices did me no good.  I should have known better, and it was my fault that I had any faith in you, when all I have been doing is hurting myself in reaffirming feeling terrible, when I should have given you the finger and walked out when none of you helped me one bit.

Fuck you for trying to make me feel like a victim.  I won’t let you anymore.

Fuck the health and wellness industry scams that took my money, my time, and my faith.  Fuck the phony self-proclaimed experts trying to make a couple quick bucks off of sick people.  Fuck expensive pills, vitamins, supplements, juices, and faulty products that do nothing but further crush the hope of sick people who want nothing more than their health back.

Fuck off to all of it!  I am going to do it all without you.  I’m going to box, and run, and hike, and swim.  You have already forgotten me, and I know that my chances of getting the surgery I need are slim because it cuts into your golf time.  Don’t bother trying to explain how any of this works – you’ve never tried in the first place.

Fuck your ignorance.  Fuck how you have ignored my painful symptoms that you always claim you knew nothing about.  Fuck you, doctors and healthcare industry, for choosing to play dumb and never address a certain problem that I express concern about every time I see you.

I’m going to eat healthy, exercise, and be happy.  I won’t spend another CENT on the next so-called miracle cure, solution, or supplement, when I know it’s going into the pocket of a greedy, uncaring scam artist without giving me an ounce of benefit.

Fuck off so I can feel good.  No more offices, waiting rooms, injections, blood tests, breath tests, prescriptions, promises for referrals which never come through, terrible receptionists, and all the bullshit you’ve spewed forth instead of taking 5 minutes of an appointment to truly listen.   I won’t support your lies anymore.  I will choose how I am going to live.

Fuck off – I don’t need any of you.  I’m ready to be healthy all by myself.

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