Fale comigo.
In other words…. talk to me. It’s hard to decide whether you want to avoid someone so that you won’t say something hateful or mean, or to confront someone head-on so that they can’t avoid a problem and that it won’t build up to saying mean things at all. Either decision isn’t great, and you may be feeling unpredictable, BUT: In an argument or heated discussion, one must make these “fucked if I do, fucked if I don’t” choices.
I know what I’d choose.
Give yourself a chance to talk. I know we have all probably been told by some wise old person to never go to bed angry, and I really take that to heart. What if? What if? What if? Not that you should expect the worst, but you never know. Wouldn’t you rather risk a fight or an awkward conversation than be childish and avoid someone or give them the silent treatment for days? If you confront someone early enough, you haven’t had a chance to stew yet. It’s still fresh enough to say what you really think, and try to solve it rather than hold a grudge for days. Would you rather spend your time making up and fixing a problem, even if you yell and cry, or would you rather waste your time being upset and frustrated for days/weeks?
I’d rather spend my time happy. Say what you mean as soon as you know how you feel. Don’t waste your time stewing in anger, when you could spend an hour in a heated debate and end up spending more of your time being free and happy, in a state of resolution. Life is too short for the silent treatment.
A little secret of mine. And here’s to changing it.
I’m sure you have heard the expression “No news is good news”? I think no news is pretty damn boring.
I think I can sum up how I really feel about how much I want change in a few words:
I. need. a. vacation.
Things need to seriously be shaken up. When things aren’t going the way you want, you must MAKE change. Change doesn’t always find you, because it doesn’t always know where to look, and it doesn’t always know that you need it to be there for you. Don’t get me wrong – the routine of my life isn’t bad or painful. I would say that, all-in-all, I am happy and I have a lot of gratitude for everything that has come my way.
Is it so wrong to want more? I read a few pages of a new book called “The Happiness Project”, and I sometimes wonder if my desires are slightly selfish: to make a privileged, blessed life like mine (in the society and time I live in) better? Isn’t that a bit….narcissistic and selfish?
But if I work towards my own happiness… it would benefit others, too. I don’t mean to say that I want to put a focus on me, me, ME! I think you must be happy to make anyone else truly happy. In fact, one of the biggest things that has been on my mind is how much more I could do with my life than what I am doing right now… I think I have way too much passion and drive to stay right where I am.
So basically, this is it. I think I might be at some sort of crossroads/intersection/whatever. I just finished my last year teaching dance (had my last classes last night). And while I love working at my bar… it’s not enough. Sure, I could give myself the excuse that I should enjoy being young and carefree, and irresponsible… but even I don’t like buying that. While I am quite happy, I’m not really fulfilled. I don’t know if I have enough patience to wait around for my big break in the acting world. To be honest, I have been to 2 – yes, two – auditions since late January. It’s…. June now. I know things are slow, but come on. That’s ridiculous. And I really don’t want to be a bartender when I’m 30. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. But I don’t want it to become a career and turn into a “lifer”. Long-term, it isn’t a good choice for me.
I’ll even tell you a secret, that this is my biggest fear:
I am absolutely, utterly, and completely terrified of doing nothing important with my life. Of letting it go to waste, when I could have done so much with the passion, drive, and privileged circumstances that have all fallen in my hands. Of no one remembering me when I’m gone. Of waking up as an old woman, realizing I waited too long to use what I had. Of the boredom, security, comfort, and emptiness that is felt from many of our lives because we don’t realize that we want more, we wish we could DO more and be a more important person, because a good job and enough money will never be enough. Of not being able to change the state of the world we live in, to better the lives of others who need and deserve it. I want desperately to see change in my lifetime, but I don’t want to sit around and hope blindly that someone else will do the job. I want that job.
One of the things that makes me extremely excited and happy is my trip to Brasil. I can’t wait ’til February! Talk about change. It will be so different from everything in my life right now. I want to see, smell, touch, hear Brasil. The beaches, the Amazon river and rainforest, the people, the different cities (Rio, Sao Paulo, Salvador, Manaus, Florianopolis), the music, the food, the sun… I want to drink it all in. And when I return, things will be different because I will be different. Until then, I’ll try to figure it out here. I want to fulfill a greater purpose in my life. I kind of hate all this cheesy “self-fulfilling” self-absorbed shit, but I’m not talking about just making my own life better. I want to make the world a better place (gag now if you must). And no, I don’t think becoming a yoga teacher or a life coach is even close to that (for fuck sakes). I want something radical, something big, something that will last, hopefully on a global scale. This is a lot to hope for. I think I should start making a concrete plan so that it doesn’t just remain a hope. It’s just tough to know where to start.
Good old Gandhi said that you must be the change you wish to see in the world.
I’m ready, G.
Good to the last drop? Drip.
At first glance, what do you think this is?
It’s not fruit! It’s something that you probably have 1-4 times every day at an over-inflated cost….
Coffee Cherries from Brazil! I’m already awake looking at them. Brazil is one of the biggest producers of coffee worldwide, and there are many plantations around the country. Next year, my dream of visiting Brazil will become a reality. And I can’t wait to taste Brazilian coffee locally. It seems like something so small… but I would love to sip a cafezinho atop Pao de Agucar, and gaze down at beautiful Rio, maybe struggling to talk and joke in Portuguese with a new friend.
I always wonder when I eat, drink, or buy something – where does it come from? And how is it made? Especially when it comes from so far away. I have had probably hundreds of cups of coffee in my life so far. I drink it completely black. There is no sense in messing with a good thing! Without all the sugary, milky additives, you can really taste it, and enjoy the flavour and aroma…. Coffee should be drunk like wine. Stick your nose in it and inhale its richness, swirl it around in your cheeks, sip it gently, try different blends in fine china or big steamy porcelain mugs… Really taste it.
In case you couldn’t tell in the descriptive paragraph above, coffee kind of turns me on. You might think I’m sick and need some weird java-therapy, but it’s not a creepy fetish or anything. It’s just that I find coffee to be a very sensual experience in every way. Think about it next time you sit down to have a cup. 
Out of my caffeine-induced euphoria and back to the real question of : “where does it come from?”
As we are growing towards a more globalized society, and are much more socially aware than we used to be, we have added words to our vocabulary such as “organic” and “fair trade”. I see both of these to be huge advances for humanity, with fair trade being at the top of my consumer list. It gives me great satisfaction to see an article published in the New York Times under the heading:
‘Fair trade’ certification yielding benefits for Brazilian coffee farmers.
I like knowing that so many people have read this, and probably drank a latte on the patio at Starbucks and stopped on this article, and maybe considered changing their consumer habits…I though I’d share a few interesting tidbits I found in this article :
-Awareness of fair trade, like consumer awareness of “organic” a decade ago, is also growing. In 2006, 27 percent of Americans said they were aware of fair-trade certification, up from 12 percent in 2004, according to a study by the National Coffee Association, which is based in New York.
-One important difference is the focus of the labels – organic refers to how produce is grown, while fair trade is primarily concerned about conditions and treatment of the farmer.
-Most coffee farmers are organized into cooperatives and some of that premium is funneled back to the community to finance social projects like schools or potable water.
It feels good to know that you are – in a small way – contributing to a better life for someone else. I wonder how much a cup of coffee costs in Minas Gerais? If I pay $2.17 for it in Vancouver? Hmmmm.
Another interesting article for the next time you enjoy your dark roast: http://www.organicconsumers.org/starbucks/coffee-beans.cfm
Until next time, drink it in.
pictures from : didntyouhear.com/coffee-is-sexy , www.myconfinedspace.com/page/133/?tag=sexy , soluble-coffee.com/brazilian_coffee.html
Smell that? It’s the $20,000 bouquet of federal bullshit. And it smells like roses.
You know those cute people in their bright vests outside the Skytrain and Seabus stations, smiling and holding out a local 24 or Metro newspaper? I picked one up today on my way to my appointment – bright and early – sat down to have a coffee at a U.B.C. cafe after my visit to the Sports Medicine Clinic , and opened up my 24. In my efforts to self-educate, I try to read from as many different news sources as possible. My favorites are online at bbc.co.uk (always up to date, hourly), reading The Globe and Mail or Vancouver Sun, and when I have time and can find one, I LOVE the New York Times. One of my favorite things to do is spread out the giant pages of the NY Times, sip some really rich coffee, and read it for a couple of hours.
My 24 paper today? I kind of expected the usual Twisted Panties article, some entertainment, local news about some Vancouver gang issue or the Downtown Eastside (DTES)… as I flipped through, I stopped on page 6 to see a paragraph titled “Feds splash $20M on G8 fiddlers, flowers”.
What?
Later this month, the G8 and G20 summits will be held in Muskoka and Toronto. So get ready (and I hoped you filed your taxes and got SOME money back this year), because guess what? In preparation for these meetings, our federal government has generously opened their wallets and spent almost $20, 000, 000 for:
Dancing troupes, singers, fiddlers, meals, and floral arrangements.
According to 24 Vancouver, the documents containing this information were released through the Access to Information Act. The Department of Foreign Affairs and International Trade have issued 156 contracts in the past year for prep meetings in Yellowknife, Victoria, Quebec City, etc.
Almost $22,000 was spent in floral arrangements and interior design (nice word for decorations. Thank you Martha Stewart) at the Royal Ottawa Golf Club.
Not to mention the almost $11,000 “working” dinner for the visiting G8 foreign ministers. That must be some hard work. I hope it was all relatively easy to chew! Granted I don’t know how many people this was feeding… but lets look at those old statistics of how many people you can feed in the third world for $11,000. I’m sure this wasn’t entirely necessary or expected.
Did I mention that the costs for security to protect these foreign leaders is about $1 billion? I never considered the cost of this until I read “Infidel” by Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who required protection during and after her political career from Islamic extremists everywhere who threatened her life because of her strong feminist ideals and anti-religious statements. So, security, in my opinion, is a necessary cost.
At least, it’s slightly more important than tiger lilies. These types of huge events require a few dollars to be spent, yes. And our economy (artists, etc) does benefit from this, yes. And that’s great, don’t get me wrong. But where do you draw the line? When does government spending become excessive and needless? I actually hope someone can answer this. I am not just using my typical biting sarcasm to make a point here…. I really am confused.
Are you confused about our federal budget, too? Is this what HST is for? HighLife Supperclub Tax? Happy Sunflowers Tax?
Flowers: $20K +. Women’s Rape Relief Shelter Vancouver: $0. Yes, I know that last topic is a provincial issue, but look at the big picture. It’s good to know what our priorities are.
Does no one see how twisted and hypocritical (tight budget, eh Stephen? Hmmm…) all this is? Let’s get together and discuss the developing world’s dire need of real help (not more dead aid), all while stuffing our face, smelling the organic roses, sleeping on 1,000 thread-count sheets at the fanciest hotels, and polishing our Italian leather shoes.
Of course I understand that we must feed and shelter these visitors graciously. We should make them comfortable and be proud to have such an important event occur in our home. I have the utmost respect for the people who wish to see change in the world, and follow the Millennium Goals, and have a dream: that they truly believe they can work together and plan to develop the poorer nations in the world. And I’m sure their fat asses don’t need beluga caviar, foie gras, and a parade of orchids to discuss the world’s problems.
All I can say is : let’s hope all this will be worth it in the long run. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that all these flowers and fiddlers will be inspiring enough to come up with a few plans that work.
Think Twice 